Grandmother

As I read an article on Facebook yesterday, I realized my grandmother was no healthier than my mom.

When my parents moved from St. Louis, I begged to stay with my aunt. I didn’t want to go to my grandparents. I had a job and could have supported myself but my father refused; he made me move with them to care for my mother.

When they forced me to moved in with my grandparents my senior year, my mother also forced me into a marriage by threatening to have me to committed. It never even dawned on to ask my grandmother for help. I knew she would do whatever mother said.

I am beginning to put together, no matter how much I loved my grandmother, my mother always came before me. Even as a small child I knew mother’s needs were first.

“Mom first” meant I was often sent to school ill. My senior year, I had a uti and my mother forced me to go to school. I had a high enough temp, I was on the edge of hallucinations. I stumbled off the bus, and staggered to a friend’s cabin. He wasn’t there that weekend and I took my antibiotics, drank tons of water I had to pump myself and slept through the weekend. My temperature was as high as 104 degrees. Sunday afternoon my temperature broke and I went home. Not once did my grandmother step in and protect me or help.

There is a freedom in realizing and processing this. It no longer matters because there are people now who love me and with whom I matter. Another step to joyful healing!!