I Believe You

I have a situation with an other person, where I am always wrong, off track or where I need to defend my options and ideas. I’m not sure, in context of this person, I have ever been correct. I have a long background in Agent Orange studies. I worked on the first one correlating data, (yes, we did that before computers). I have a daughter effected by it and I have seen the complications. We are talking 40 plus years. This person knows more than I do, never having worked in the field. This person is also an expert in education, social work and veteran assistance. And the list goes on.

I have to prove every single thing I say. I have to justify my options and back it up with facts. In our interactions of recently, I’m done. I’m just too tired to do it. And I don’t know that I should have to. If you ask me about my field of study and life work, I will gladly provide you with answers. If you want more information, I will point you in the right direction for research. But, if you continue to question my experience in a negitivite way, you can just go away. Again, I’m done.

And I realize, as an unloved daughter, I grew up this way. When I rescued a rape victim, I had my Aunt call my mom to pick me up. Not only did she accuse me of not telling the truth, she accused my aunt and the police of covering for me. She always accused me of drinking, drugging and sleeping around which I didn’t do. If I needed help or support, I needed to prove it with facts. When I told her about my grandfather’s odd behavior, I needed to prove it to her even though he did it to her. I can’t ever remember being believed or validated.

I realize I truely crave that. “I believe you” would be magical words I will never hear in context with this person. And tonight, being as tired as I am, I also have no magical solution. Perhaps if I am better prepared in our conversations, less dependent, less demanding of support, a better person all around…all things I said a million times as a child. I’m not sure how to handle this one.