We had a call today that shook me to the core. It was from a former roommate that nearly cost us our marriage. And, once again, my husband stood with him over me. I am angry, betrayed and hurt.
My husband never believed me when I had issues with the roommate. He kicked our dog: I was making it up. He was smoking in the house, I was having asthma issues but I was making that up, too. Husband needed proof. I was “bat shit crazy”. He was a nice young man. Our last incident, resulting with me sleeping with a gun until husband kicked him out, I never even told my husband. Roommate pinned my legs with his legs as I sat on the couch. He raised his hand, yelling. I got away and grabbed a lamp, went into mad dog, Green Beret mode. (The men who taught me how to fight). He backed off and hissed “Tell Husband. He won’t believe you” and he was right. I would say it was frightening but, honestly, I was angry with myself for putting myself in an unsafe position. I didn’t leave in order to protect my dogs. But I was planning an escape when he was kicked out.
I made huge mistakes myself with the roommate. I tried to help long after it turn out that he was psychotic. I tried to prove his behaviors to my husband which was as ridiculous as trying to prove things to my mom. I was the enemy. I was there crazy one. That said, it was a large part of healing and learning how I could figure out who I could trust and who I couldn’t. I also taught me what not to tolerate. And it put my life in very sharp focus.
Processing emotions tonight and even more determined to make blogging work. I will not let this strip away any tiny part of my healing.
Joyful Healing, Dogs and Quilts 