With the murder of Gabby Petito, I have been thinking about the role trauma has on decision making. With my bio mom, the trauma of her treatment clouded every decision I made up to the day of her death and for six years beyond.
Even today, when I thought about her last psychotic break in 2007, I realized I would have called an ambulance and had her taken into the hospital if it happened today. But that night she had been screaming for well over five hours. I couldn’t think. I just wanted her to stop.
And last year, when our former roommate when after the dogs and, later, trapped me and threatened to hit me, I was frozen. Today, I’d throw him out and, had he refused to leave, I would have called the police.
Trauma causes us to freeze. I can imagine the panic Gabby felt. She was so young. The thought of loosing someone she loved (even if he didn’t love her), being alone so far from home and not knowing what the future held, would have been terrifying.
I remember, some 30 years ago, visiting my mom and dad. I can’t tell you what set her off, but she was screaming and calling me awful names. I turned to go to the bedroom I was staying in and she attacked me. Without warning, she grabbed me by the shoulder, slammed me into a wall, breaking a decorative plate over my head. Like Launrdie, she blamed me for provoking her and to the weekend before she died, blamed me for not have a full set of those decorative plates. And being a good victim, I searched for that plate my whole life.
That is what trauma and abuse does to a person and that is why people don’t leave.
Joyful Healing, Dogs and Quilts 