This has been five years in the cleaning. I realized, early on in therapy, I keep the couch a mess because I could keep people away. It went much deeper and involved abuse by my Grandfather but that was it.
Tonight I also realized it involved my mom in that I wasn’t allowed to do anything in the living room. Even as an adult, I once dropped a tiny snip of embroidery floss and she picked it up and spent an hour screaming at me about how stupid and messy I was and how I made her life miserable.
I resisted moving things off the couch because, damn it, I live here and I can do what I want. Tonight I heard myself say those words and understood them for the first time. I can still put things in a basket and have them when I need them. Joyful healing and freedom!!!
Joyful Healing, Dogs and Quilts 